Catching Kaiba
by Saria-the-green-haired
Summary: Take one confused Seto Kaiba, add one amused Yami, a cheerfully oblivious Yugi(supposedly, anyways), a traumatised rest of the gang, mix well, and what do you get? This story. SetoxYami


Warnings: My attempts at humor, OOCness, massive ecchiness and innuendo (the story *revolves* around innuendo), some fluff (I suppose), and just...yeah. Abuse of capital letters too and slight bashing of some characters (it's from Seto's point of view, so what do you expect?), but very marginal. Light lime warning as well.  
  
Pairing: SetoxYami, which means yaoi. Leave now and forever hold your peace.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, but don't tell me that unless you want your head bitten off.  
  
Notes: This came from a conversation I had with RD about one of her latest fic ideas, wherein Yami eventually teases Seto a bit because Yami knows that Seto's in love with him but Seto doesn't know that Yami knows. We got to talking about how exactly he could tease Seto and my brain ran away with the idea. =D Go read "Something To Talk About" by Suppi-chan (On which this fic is loosely based) or I will kill you. Of course, my little ficlet could never compare to hers...  
  
I fudge stuff about people's backgrounds, though I don't think it's *that* improbable. ^_^;  
  
And I lied about this coming after I finished all my other ideas, but it was just too good to pass up finishing. And it's just in time for Valentine's Day too (or would be if FFN wasn't in read-only mode today)! ^_^ Though, this isn't your traditional Valentine's Day story...*niko*  
  
Random Japanese facts: Iado is the art of drawing the sword. Bujitsu is the art of wielding a katana (or so I am assuming). Kyudo is Japanese archery.  
  
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Catching Kaiba  
  
By Saria-the-green-haired who is a little TOO amused  
  
Seto Kaiba was confused and frustrated (in more ways than one). He was, as a result, Not Happy. The reason for his mental state? One Yami no Yugi. Or, more specifically, Yami's actions, because, recently, Yami had been acting really weird. As in Really, Really Weird.  
  
Seto sat in his hidden computer room (he had the feeling that his office wasn't safe anymore), typing mindlessly while he thought about the problem with Yami. It wasn't exactly a problem, he supposed, just a Very Confusing Situation. Which meant about the same thing, in the end.  
  
The former pharaoh had been acting oddly as of late. The shorter boy had started accidentally (Seto wasn't quite sure on this point) brushing up against the taller boy at every opportunity, which was the main reason as to why Seto was frustrated. The shorter boy was also, to put it bluntly, stalking him. (Seto was Not Happy about this point in particular, seeing as he didn't like seeing the tables turned. Not that he stalked the other boy, oh no.) And what with the fact that the five-thousand year-old spirit kept smiling at him (with rather devastating effect, even if Seto refused to let anyone know about them, though he had the sinking suspicion that Yami did, in fact, know)...If he didn't know better, he'd think that the crimson-eyed boy was flirting with him, which was preposterous in itself. After all, they were rivals...  
  
Seto ignored the part of his mind (as he usually did) that was pointing out the fact that he would be flirting right back if he was sure that that was what Yami was doing. He tried to concentrate on his work, but found his mind wandering again. What exactly was the Game King up to, he mused. It was probably nothing, he decided, not without some disappointment. Yami was probably just trying to be friendly and he was just getting more out of it, which wasn't hard, considering the former pharaoh was Really Hot and talented and was damned cute when he smiled, not to mention the fact that he looked awesome in leather and-  
  
"Hello, Kaiba," a voice said near his ear, and Seto jumped, a long string of nonsense letters appearing on the screen. "What are you doing in here?"  
  
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Seto asked, trying to appear calm and composed while he wondered how the hell Yami had gotten in here, seeing as the room was supposed to be impossible to find and only he knew how to access it. (Well, Pegasus's goons had also found it, but that was a minor detail, even if said goons had the IQ of a rock, which Yami most definitely did not.) "And if you insist on knowing, I'm in here to work."  
  
"Really?" Yami asked, looking curious. "What are you working on?" he asked, walking over to another wall-sized screen, leaning over to look at it more closely.  
  
"It's none of your business," Seto snapped, attempting valiantly not to stare at the *very* interesting view of Yami's backside he currently had. "What do you want? If it's a duel-" Seto shut his mouth when Yami turned around and smiled at him. There was something very reminiscent of a lion about to pounce in the way Yami was smiling.  
  
"A duel? I didn't come here for a duel, Kaiba." Yami moved closer.  
  
"If you didn't come here for a duel, then what do you want?" Seto asked irritably.  
  
"Well," Yami said with a complete air of innocence. "I was thinking...."  
  
"About...?" Seto asked, operating on the theory that if he humored Yami, the shorter boy would eventually leave.  
  
"You studied martial arts when you were young, right?" Yami asked, still maintaining the innocent appearance.  
  
"Yes...," Seto replied warily.  
  
"You studied iado and bujitsu then, right?"  
  
"Yes...," Seto replied, even slower and more warily than before.  
  
"It must have been fascinating," Yami remarked, smiling. "When I was young, I studied various Egyptian forms of martial arts, including swordplay."  
  
"So?," asked Seto, who wasn't particularly sure that he wanted to know what the other boy was getting at.  
  
"Anyways," Yami said. "I remember that my father gave me a sword when I was ten. The hilt was made of solid gold and the metal was of the highest quality. It was the length of my arm," he added.  
  
"And...?" Seto asked.  
  
"You must have owned a sword, if even a practice one, and I bet that you still do," Yami said logically, and then smiled lazily, slanting Seto a look that would have ignited wet wood from a mile off. "How big is *your* sword, Kaiba?"  
  
"...," said Seto, eyes crossing as the implications of that statement settled in. "Um," he said at last, fumbling for something to say that wouldn't be *terribly* embarrassing. The former pharaoh hadn't meant anything like *that*, after all. "I don't remember."  
  
"What a pity," Yami murmured with an astonishing amount of false sympathy, still giving Seto that Look.  
  
"Is that all you wanted to ask me about?" Seto asked, hoping against all hope that the other boy would either leave or stop saying things like That because it couldn't be good for his blood pressure.  
  
"Well...," Yami said speculatively, turning slowly to look at the wall (and presenting Seto with a very tantalizing view of his profile). "I was also wondering about machines."  
  
"What about machines?" Seto asked, feeling more in his element now that they were talking about what was possibly the one thing that could come between himself and Mokuba: his work. (Yami was another thing, but Seto would never admit it)  
  
"Don't you find them fascinating?" Yami asked, eyes glinting strangely as he turned his head towards Seto. "It's remarkable how you mortals use them to imitate the effects of magic."  
  
"Is that so?" Seto asked neutrally, somewhat miffed about the "you mortals" comment.  
  
"Yes," Yami said calmly. "Machines can do all kinds of things...in fact, I heard that, with a machine, you can do *anything*," the crimson-eyed boy said, emphasizing the last word suggestively.  
  
Seto choked as his traitorous mind and body offered a variety of things that they could do with machines, as well as many things without. "I'm sure you could," he finally managed to say, his voice nearly steady. He could hear his computer laughing in the background, and made a mental note to destroy that particular machine later.  
  
"Do you know what else I heard?" Yami asked, glancing at Seto.  
  
"What?" Seto asked, hoping fervently that it wasn't something else that would make his blood pressure skyrocket.  
  
"I heard that, with the right care and maintenance, one can keep machines fully functional for many years, so that even if they're extremely old, they'll work just like new," Yami said in a sugarcoated voice.  
  
Seto wondered briefly how the other boy managed to make such an innocent sentence seem so, well...un-innocent. His train of thought was rather abruptly derailed when Yami shrugged off his jacket, revealing another one of the things that the former pharaoh had taken to doing different lately. While Yami's clothes had always been on the tight side, (something which Seto, in his heart of hearts -or hormones, if one wishes to get technical- rather enjoyed), lately, his pants were not tight so much as painted on. And his shirts...let us just say that Seto Enjoyed them. Very much.  
  
"It's getting a bit warm in here, don't you think so, Kaiba?" Yami asked innocently.  
  
"Nghk," said Seto, his vocal chords refusing to work as he looked at Yami's latest outfit, sure that his eyes were the size of dinner plates. The pants were, as usual, a second skin. The shirt was something different. It was mesh, very nearly transparent, and very glittery. It was also Barely There.  
  
"Do you like it?" Yami asked, smiling and posing a bit. "Mai picked it out for me."  
  
"Nghk," said Seto again as he tried not to Drool and seriously wondered (not for the first time) about Mai's taste in clothes. Though, he had to admit that Yami looked very nice, what with the dim blue lights coming from the computer screens faintly illuminating the shirt, giving its owner a positively ethereal appearance. Yami could have easily passed for an otherworldly creature, except that no such delicate-looking thing ever wore such an innocent yet utterly evil smile.  
  
"Are you all right, Kaiba?" Yami asked, moving closer.  
  
Seto managed a weak nod, trying to regain his composure. Of course he was fine; it was just a little warm, like Yami had said. Yes, that was all. It was merely uncomfortably warm, which would explain why Yami was being helpful and unbuttoning the buttons on his jacket-  
  
"What are you doing?!" Seto asked with a strangled yelp, his voice cracking in the middle of the sentence.  
  
"You're sweating, so I thought I'd help you take off your jacket," Yami said with a complete air of light, innocence, and Yugi-ness, not letting go of the jacket.  
  
"I don't need your help," Seto snapped, pushing Yami's hand away and taking the jacket off on his own.  
  
"Oh, really?" Yami asked, a smile playing on his lips, a smile that Seto tried valiantly not to look at, as it meant that he was looking at those oh- so-delectable-looking lips. Shit, he thought dimly. He managed to drag his brain away from its highly improper musings in time to catch the last part of Yami's statement. "...my help."  
  
"Come again?" he asked guardedly.  
  
The smile grew. "I was just saying that I happen to recall two separate occasions in which you needed my help, one of which you asked for my help," Yami repeated.  
  
"...those don't count," Seto said sullenly. "They were life and death situations, which this is not."  
  
Yami shrugged elegantly, leaning forward. "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, Kaiba," he said, smiling oddly.  
  
"...," Seto said, not quite sure what to make of the statement, and uncomfortably aware of the fact that Yami was so close that he could feel the heat radiating off of the other boy's skin.  
  
"What's the matter, Kaiba?" Yami breathed, moving even closer, so that the two were face-to-face and Seto could feel warm air ghosting across his face. "Cat got your tongue?" he murmured, a decidedly feral glint in his eyes.  
  
Seto gave in to the part of his mind (and his body as well) that was suggesting many things that Seto would rather be doing with his tongue then giving it to a cat and pulled the other boy in for a fiercely desperate kiss, thinking that he could at least get one taste of heaven before he was either punched, killed, or had his soul destroyed. After the few seconds allotted for shock had passed, the remaining part of Seto's brain still capable of rational thought that did not have any connection to how good Yami smelled, felt, or tasted observed that the other boy was not doing any of the expected three things. Rather, he was kissing back with enthusiasm. Dimly, Seto's brain (and his body, which was rejoicing at the prospect of getting some), noticed that the door was opening.  
  
Yugi bounced in, followed by his usual entourage. "Yami? Kaiba-kun?" he called. "Are you in here? Mokuba said that Kaiba-kun sometimes works in here..."  
  
"Yami, do you want to come with us to-OH MY GOD!" a distinctly feminine voice said as the group was treated to the sight of an interestingly- dressed Yami seated on Seto's lap while the two swapped spit.  
  
Reluctantly, Seto pulled away from Yami and glanced at the door to see the annoying friendship-toting girl staring at them, slack-jawed.  
  
"Hello, aibou, minna," Yami greeted the group, smiling calmly. "Did you want to tell me something?"  
  
"We're going to the arcade," Yugi said peaceably, smiling and apparently ignoring the scene in front of him. "We thought you might like to come along, but I guess not, seeing as you're busy and all."  
  
Seto snickered inwardly. The friendship girl was still staring, the pup was making incoherent spluttering sounds, the brown-haired guy with the cake hair was mouthing wordlessly, and the quietly insane albino was...laughing?  
  
"Have fun," Yami said, smiling serenely and looking perfectly composed.  
  
"We'll be there for a few hours, and we're taking Mokuba with us. Is that all right, Kaiba-kun?" Yugi asked, looking at Seto.  
  
Seto nodded briefly, willing everyone else to leave.  
  
"Great!" Yugi said, beaming and ushering the others out the door. "Enjoy yourselves, and you might want to move to a bed later; be sure not to get too loud!" He called over his shoulder, causing more spluttering from Jounochi and staring from everyone but Yami. With that, they were gone.  
  
Seto looked at Yami. "So...what happens now?" he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.  
  
Yami pretended to think. "Well, the others will have a good time once they get over their shock," the crimson-eyed boy said, wriggling around as he got more comfortable in his new seat, unintentionally (or as unintentional as his actions got) rubbing up against an already tortured Seto, who growled and pulled the shorter boy into another fierce kiss.  
  
"It isn't nice to tease," he whispered hoarsely when they broke apart.  
  
Yami smiled. "Whoever said that I was nice, Kaiba?" he purred. "And I win," he added, smirking smugly.  
  
"What?" Seto asked, confused.  
  
"I caught you," Yami elaborated, though it didn't explain much to Seto. "I must admit that you held out longer than I thought you would though," the former pharaoh conceded. "But I still caught you."  
  
"That was all a *game*?!" Seto asked disbelievingly, trying not to feel hurt.  
  
"Of course," Yami replied. "After all, life is a game. But in this game, winners play for keeps," he continued, smiling flirtatiously at the other boy as he got up and walked towards the door. "Care to join me?" he asked coyly, one hand on the door panel.  
  
As he was pinned against the wall less the a second later, his mouth covered in a bruising kiss, Yami wondered who, exactly, had caught who. Gasping breathlessly as one of Seto's hands wandered downwards, Yami decided that it didn't really matter.  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
Inside the arcade, Yugi was trying to help his friends get over their shock while Bakura watched, his yami snickering. Mokuba was off playing a game, blissfully unaware of anything that was going on. Honda seemed to be all right; he was playing with Mokuba, but Yugi got the impression that he was merely Not Thinking about it  
  
"They were...they were...kissing...Kaiba...Yami...were...," Jounochi had been repeating the same thing over and over again for the past twenty minutes, and Bakura was about ready to knock the blonde boy unconscious.  
  
"Isn't it wonderful?" Yugi asked, smiling cheerfully.  
  
"Wonderful?!" Anzu shrieked. "How is it wonderful?!"  
  
Yugi continued to smile. "Didn't you say that you wanted us to become friends with Kaiba-kun?" he asked innocently. "Especially Yami?"  
  
"Well, yes, but...," Anzu started, her expression clearly stating that she didn't think "becoming friends" with someone meant sticking your tongue down their throat.  
  
"What's the problem then?" Yugi asked.  
  
Anzu could find no suitable reply, opting instead to sulk, as she would rather Yami have been sticking his tongue down *her* throat.  
  
Bakura was trying not to laugh, as his yami had just made a very amusing comment about the fact that Yugi was either really dense or deliberately trying to kill off Anzu's remaining brain cells.  
  
"Were...kissing...," Jounochi repeated numbly, still trying to process the information, his mind bleeding.  
  
~* The End *~  
  
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Saria: ^_^ I enjoyed that too much, but it's over now. ;_; Alas, now I must concentrate on serious things, such as my unfinished stories...but please review and tell me what you think!  
  
@|--------- Saria-the-green-haired  
  
Happy late Valentine's Day! :scowls at FFN: 


End file.
